SATIRE. Fiction. The study, findings and quotations below are invented.
A two-year habitat survey has identified the single strongest predictor of Flock nesting behavior: bars. Not the drinking kind. The signal kind.
Specimens overwhelmingly favored intersections with reliable connectivity, tolerating heat, noise and truck exhaust without complaint, while abandoning otherwise ideal roadside sites where uploads stalled. One bird relocated eleven feet and never looked back.
'It is a beautiful adaptation,' the study's author wrote. 'The bird does not need shelter, water, or a mate. It needs bandwidth.'