SATIREFlock Science

Local license plate reader begins asking drivers where they're going so late

Field observers note the species has entered its passive-aggressive phase, typically arriving in early autumn.

Dr. Marge Tinwing, Field Correspondent · 2026-09-08 · 2 min

Satire — this story is fiction and describes no real people, agencies or deployments.

SATIRE. Fiction. Not a real news story. The species described here is imaginary, and so is everything it says.

In the wild, most birds sing to mark territory. This one, researchers agree, would prefer you simply explain yourself.

Observed behaviors include: unblinking attention at 11:40 p.m., an implied sigh at the same intersection on three consecutive Thursdays, and a marked preference for the phrase 'no judgment.'

Naturalists stress that the reader is not actually curious. It does not wonder. It records, timestamps and files — which is somehow worse, because curiosity at least eventually gets bored.

The real question isn't what it asks. It's who gets to read the answer, and for how long. That part is documented, and it is not a joke.

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